Releasing Shame: A Guide for Reflection and Healing

Shame is one of the most powerful and often invisible forces shaping our relationship with sexuality. Unlike guilt, which tells us “I did something bad,” shame whispers “I am bad.” It corrodes our ability to believe we can change or that we are worthy of love and belonging. As Brené Brown reminds us, “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”

In our recent workshop on Releasing Shame Around Sexuality, we explored how shame shows up in the body, how it’s passed down through cultural and familial messages, and how we can begin loosening its grip. For those who couldn’t attend, this post shares some of the insights, and journaling prompts from the session.

Why We Feel Sexual Shame

Many of us grew up surrounded by messages, from families, schools, religious institutions, or culture, that told us sex was dirty, dangerous, what bad 'girls' do or “too much.” Sometimes, even without words, we were taught to hide our desires or silence our curiosity. Over time, these messages become internalized, leading us to carry shame in our bodies and hearts.

A simple and common example: a child caught exploring their body or asking a curious question might be met with embarrassment, scolding, or silence. That moment can translate into a lifelong association of sexuality with “something wrong.”

Reflection Prompts

Below is the full list of prompts we used in the workshop. These are designed to help you gently explore where shame lives in your story and body. You don’t need to answer all of them at once. Pick one or two that resonate, and return to the list over time.

1. Messages from Childhood

• What is a sexual message you learned growing up that created shame for you?

• What did you learn (spoken or unspoken) about desire, pleasure, or bodies?

• When you think about your upbringing, what were you told was “off-limits” or “bad”?

2. Shame in the Body

• When I think of shame around sexuality, where do I feel it in my body?

• What sensations come up when I recall a shameful memory (tightness, heat, numbness)?

• If my body could speak, what would it say about these feelings?

3. Current Triggers

• In what situations today do I notice sexual shame still showing up?

• Are there particular words, images, or dynamics that bring up old shame?

• How does shame influence the way I show up in relationships?

4. Counter-Messages

• What do I wish I had been told about sexuality when I was younger?

• What is a more compassionate or affirming truth I can tell myself now?

• If I could write a message to my younger self about sex, what would it say?

5. Healing and Releasing

• What practices or experiences help me feel safe in my sexuality?

• Who are the people or communities where I feel free of shame?

• What does releasing sexual shame mean to me?

Closing

Releasing shame isn’t a one-time event, it’s an ongoing practice of noticing where shame shows up, questioning whether it belongs to us, and replacing it with compassion and truth.

Remember: shame thrives in secrecy and silence, but it loses power when we bring it into the light. By naming it, reflecting on it, and sharing in safe spaces, we begin to reclaim our wholeness.

You belong. You are enough. And your sexuality is not something to be hidden, it is something to be honoured.